Top
When you meet someone new, establishing a bit of common ground is often easy. You may have mutual friends, live in the same part of town, belong to the same health club, attend the same church and so on. Exclusivity helps. "Uncommon" common ground carries more weight. The smaller the group is, the more meaningful the connection.
While common ground can be valuable, sometimes it can lead you astray. Here’s how:
- When you are shopping for common ground, you are not listening in an agenda-less way.
- Common ground is overused and often overly obvious. Walk into a car dealership with a Yorkshire terrier, and don't be surprised to find a showroom filled with Yorkie lovers.
- Searching for common ground can distract your attention from your singular objective at the first encounter, which is to get them to like you.
- If common ground is established, it’s also easy to start making the conversation about you, not them. "You love golf. I do, too. In fact, just last week I played Pebble Beach" ... and off you go on the path to making yourself the center of attention.
The "big dog effect"
The big dog effect occurs when people fall into the trap of topping another person's story with their own. In the process, they kill the chance of the other person liking them. When a new acquaintance, prospect or client tells you their story, and it contains some common ground, keep your focus on them and their experience. Let them talk.
Watch out for your bubble talk, that inner voice in your head saying: "This is going great. What a connection we have. I bet they will be interested in my story. After all, we have so much in common." Their favorite person in the conversation isn't you. You are a distant second at best.
Common ground is a tool to expand the conversation and create a connection. Instead of topping someone's story, keep asking questions to learn more about the other person. When people ask you a question, answer briefly and then gently bring the focus back to them. Don't worry about offending them. Chances are good they asked the question to be polite.
Bottom line: People generally like talking about themselves—this is good news for you. Showing sincere interest in others can help you make genuine connections and stand far above the crowd.
When a new acquaintance, prospect or client tells you their story, and it contains some common ground, keep your focus on them and their experience.”
This image indicates content designed specifically for Financial Advisors / Investment Professionals. This material is not to be used with the public.